were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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