you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
