well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
