Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
