I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
