The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
