I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
