What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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