If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had sex on a roof
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
