what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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