seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
