We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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