mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
