It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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