im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
