Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
