i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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