I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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