Screwed.edu
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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