so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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