you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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