I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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