I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So vagazzling was a success
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
