May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
