I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
third nipple confirmed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
