i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
