Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize