She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
