I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
