Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
