oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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