I wannas sexs uuuuu
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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