Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
