I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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