enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize