No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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