rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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