i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
