I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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