Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
