Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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