mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
