this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
