After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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