I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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