the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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