You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
