My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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