I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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