I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
