Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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