U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
