I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law