who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.