You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.