Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.