i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
