i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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