Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
