Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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