he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
