You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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