i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
