I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
